I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
