were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
