Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
