You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
