Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You work out of a Hotel?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i believe in u and ur pee
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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