Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize