At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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