There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
