you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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