Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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