her vagine was all disorganized.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
