dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
