I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
