well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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