1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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