I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
