winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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