Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
