My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
