i already hear my dad disowning me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
