Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
