hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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