so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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