Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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