You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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