he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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