I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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