I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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