She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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