Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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