I love having hate sex.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
