Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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