How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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