he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Randomize
