Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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