After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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