You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
