My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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