my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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