Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
