Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
