he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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