he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
