I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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