He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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