he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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