Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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