is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my liver is dry heaving
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
