U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
