he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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