I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
