I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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