The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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