1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
