K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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