Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Buhtt sex?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
