i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
