I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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