i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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