alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
