it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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