I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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