My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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