Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
