Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
