its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
