Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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