you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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